Nak Hon, Lo Nak Hon: Correct, Not-Correct. Correcting Children & Derech Eretz

As you know from my last post, I am taking Hebrew this semester. It's pretty intense and given that my class is from 9-10 pm a couple of nights a week, after an already long day of being a Doctor and a Mom, I am never quite sure how much I am actually retaining. Well actually, up until yesterday morning, I wasn't sure how much. What event happened yesterday morning that assured me that I was retaining something, you may ask? The total melt down of my now 7 year old darling Daughter (DD)! Yup, over french toast which she spit out at me! I was accused between her tears, my screaming and her gulping for air, that I was trying to poison her! "you're trying to kill me she said (hysterically and dramatically), it tastes like MEAT!!" After trying to assure her that there was no meat in , on or around the pan that the french toast had come from and telling her about children in other countries who had nothing to eat (yes Mom I DID SAY THAT), she still refused to eat said french toast. We are not vegetarians, but DD prefers a meat-less diet. As my blood was boiling, over the lack of food in her tummy before school and her melt down, I screamed at the top of my lungs , "LO NAK HON!! LO NAK HON!!" at which point DD looked at me and stopped her hysterics and said perfectly calmly, " you don't make any sense you are so mad.. what did you say?" I said, " Lo Nak Hon!" , "It means this is not correct. Not acceptible. NOT, NOT, NOT." It wasn't acceptible to me that I went crazy because she spit out nourishing food, or that she spit it at me, or that she wasn't eating, or that she accused me of trying to poison her. Then it occured to me. I was getting it! Yippeee. Nakhon is correct in Hebrew when used as an adjective. And, Lo means NO. Nakhon comes from the root of (being) true. I laughed. And DD laughed and then she told me the french toast needed... Maple syrup!! When once applied, she ate! What I wasn't getting was that I needed to be teaching my DD about the concept of Derech Eretz. Derech Eretz is "the code of proper behavior that binds us to each other as human beings and as Jews. According to the midrash, derekh eretz "precedes" the Torah (Leviticus Rabbah 9:3). We can understand this to mean that even before we begin to do important things like study Torah and live in accordance with the mitzvot, we must live with derekh eretz. Helping your child to learn common decency and appropriated hehavior is crucial, and one of the most difficult parts of parenting." 1 In my case, not only did I forget the Maple syrup which should have preceeded the attempt at feeding my DD, I forgot what was age appropriate. As a good parent I needed to remind myself that a 7 year old needs more than 35 minutes to dress and eat in the morning and it was my responsibility to provide the setting where she could be successful in meeting my expectations for her in the morning. I want to teach my DD that there is always room for both of us to grow and change and be better people. This morning she had a full hour to dress, eat and get herself ready for school. There were no melt downs on either side. I was surprized and delighted when she said, "Nakhon?" and I replied, "Nakhon". We were both correct. So until my next post, no meat for us and lots of time and sweetness in all forms including maple syrup! _____ 1. www.myjewishlearning.com , Teaching Your Children about Derech Eretz. How to raise a family of mensches. by Sara Shapiro-Plevan, pulled from the internet Jan.30, 2014.